“The first rule of Metro Club is that you do not ask a
fellow passenger for directions.
The second rule of Metro Club is that you DO NOT frigging
ask a fellow passenger for directions.”
- - Tyler (Jamailaa!) Durden
Humans are inherently stupid, to be precise. We fail to
realise when we are bursting someone’s social bubble, or alienating the hell
out of them. During our yawn-inspiring, moribund lifetime, most of us only
manage to morph into a less-annoying and less-naive version of ourselves; while
the rest of us choose to make peace with our conspicuous dumbness (Like a boss!).
And, quite frankly, fate is one sadistic bitch for purposefully
arranging frequent collisions between both the clubs, just to get a kick out of
it.
Public transports, like Delhi Metro, obediently serve as the
perfect battlegrounds for such masterfully planned collisions. Constant delays,
overwhelming odour, and incessant cacophony catered simultaneously to a pack of
self-obsessed, PMSing people wedged in one congested area, all on the verge of
losing their temper— a perfect set-up, isn’t it?
It doesn’t take more than an accidental nudge on the
shoulder; an out of the blue wise-ass remark; a male napping on a seat reserved
for ladies, to trigger unnecessary chaos and generate an excuse for everyone to
frantically lose their mind. Anything or anyone present in the metro, no matter
how minuscule and trivial— be it ultra-loud announcements or a Peeping Tom
sitting beside you, has the tendency to irritate you to the level of Salman
Khan’s films. But the thing that gets metro guy seriously pissed-off is the
series of FAQs (frequently asked questions) bombarded on him on a daily basis,
while he’s waiting either for his ride or a fellow traveler.
The recent DMRC study shows that if you stay immobile at a
particular spot for more than 300 seconds, then the possibility of your
unpleasant metamorphosis into a customer care centre increases multi-fold. However,
the study is still inconclusive about the striking phenomenon of blatant ignorance
of bi-lingual sign-boards, descriptive making-it-obvious maps, constant announcements
and even the childish, coloured footsteps. Researchers are still trying to
comprehend the stupidity of some people. The situation is so bad that you might
as well as gouge both your eyes out in front of them, and they will still ask
you to direct them to an exit gate.
A sacred sub-clause of “Metro Code of Conduct” clearly
states that a person listening to his/her precious songs during a metro journey
should never ever be disturbed, no matter what the circumstances are; you can’t
force someone to take their earphones out, while they are relishing some
highly-relatable songs. It’s a punishable offense. But, few people still have
the audacity to tap on the shoulders of those who-shall-not-be-disturbed. And,
for what? To enquire whether the train will go to Dwarka or not?
Shame...Shame... Shame (tring tring). [A Game of Thrones’
fan would understand]
In light of the worsening situation, metro guy had to take certain precautions, so, he devised
some strategies to protect himself from the hard-hitting FAQs: a) be always on
the move; b) learn to be cold and indifferent; c) use headset instead of
headphones for clear visibility; d) Use non-verbal communication like shrugging
your shoulders to show disinterest; e) Avoid waiting.
